Deflecting an argument
Deflecting an argument: Narcissist edition
Hey y’all!
I actually wrote this draft as I was actively avoiding confrontation.
It was a neat & concise 1 page brainstorm that really brought forth some great ideas!
Why deflecting an argument is important
Peace of mind. Protect your energy at all costs!
I don’t know about y’all but I can’t stand confrontation.
Here’s the issue: when you’re dealing with someone who’s got narcissistic tendencies: they simply do not care.
You could be having a great day…
Minding your business- reading a good book or watching your favorite show.
Then comes Oscar the grouch:
Irritated cause he caught a whiff of the good vibes you were giving off.
Without provocation, he verbally attacks you.
Startled and a bit confused, you might try to laugh off whatever was said.
When that fails, you decide to change the subject to a lighter note.
You already know he ain’t gonna apologize or show any accountability.
On rare occasions, that tactic might work.
A narcissist will turn a seemingly small issue from a discussion to a whole soap opera scene.
Actions to take
1. Set a firm boundary.
Sounds easy enough, right?
Check out my last post on setting boundaries.
Expect some push back from a narcissist.
2. Do not engage. Once you’ve stated your truth, they will continue to try. Don’t take the bait.
Repeat your boundary.
3. Do not show emotion.
This one is super important. It will be used as fuel. And you don’t want this fire started!
Personally this is the hardest for me. I either freeze/ clam up or I react harshly.
Both of these emotions have backfired on me.
People with narcissistic tendencies feed off your emotions. It gives them a sort of twisted pleasure to crawl under your skin.
If you cut off their supply, they won’t be happy- however you’re protecting your peace.
Plan
🔹Coping skills: occupy yourself with other activities while disengaging.
Allow them to say whatever. Show no reaction. Don’t feed the narcissist’s ego.
🔹Walk away if possible- evaluate your situation.
Some of these people are prone to violence so please stay safe!
Stay in your power.
What works for me
- Writing
- Reading a book
- Painting
- Headphones
- Listen to music/ sing
- Play darts
- Yoga
- Dancing
- Meditation *difficult when stressed*
What didn’t work
Distraction doesn’t work well.
Ruminating on the matter at hand doesn’t help either.
Allowing anxiety to take over.
Focus on self & your reaction.
*Unhealthy & Unproductive coping skills*
- Thoughts of violence
- Low vibe thoughts
- Being a pushover
- Taking bait- you ain’t a fish
- 3 Ps
- Pettiness
- Projection
- Passive- Agressiveness
- Bottling up emotions
- Substance abuse
