Boundary- Setting

Boundary – setting : Empath edition

Lemme paint ya a familiar picture.

You’re minding your business and someone comes along. They notice you immediately, almost as if they’re physically drawn to you.

Your senses perk up a bit, kinda like when a cat notices something isn’t quite right.

The person approaches you and it’s as if you’re a giant slab of obsidian. . But instead of repelling them, it causes the opposite effect.

They unload their baggage on you (think 10 of wands. Now you’re carrying all these sticks and half of them don’t even belong to you).

Meeting them for the first time and they tell you their life story.

And I’m not talking the good aspects of their life. Nope I’m talking about the drama.

Stories that should be said to someone in confidence. Most definitely not to the lovely empath they’ve just met.

Every time this would happen I would feel slightly uncomfortable. Now I realize I was inadvertently taking on some of their energy. Absorbing it like a damn sponge.

And at that stage in my life, I did not know how to release the excess thoughts, energies, and feelings that weren’t my own.

When somebody makes you uncomfortable you should have the opportunity to say it.

Yo. I’m not comfortable talking about this with you. Have a great day.

Literally that’s all you have to say in order to set a firm boundary. Set the stage for a new topic of conversation (small talk.. whatever) or exit stage left.

Just walk away, you’ll be glad you did. If you have a bad vibe.. please be wary of exchanging personal information with them. Trust your spidey senses! Most of the time they are correct.

It’s not always “ that simple”

That route may seem a little too callous, cold or “blunt”

I’ll admit when I was in a people pleasing mindset, I was careful to avoid coming off as rude.

Up until recently, I didn’t start to set personal boundaries with people I’d known for most of my life. (I’m talking 20-27 years!)

They sure didn’t like it so I had think about it this way: if they don’t respect me then why should I keep them around?

The hate and envy was evident. They weren’t building me up.. in fact they were bringing me down.

Calling me bitch, or commenting that I was getting too fat.

Not to mention the unsolicited advice.

Who does that? True friends who respect you sure as hell don’t.

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Did it get ugly?

Of course it did. Though each time I remained firm in my convictions. And gradually, I began to heal and forgive.

Some of these friendships ended abruptly, tower moments after tower moments. Most were unexpected, others were destined to happen.

The past will come to haunt you..

… if you don’t forgive
Eleven years ago, there was a person that used to call me her ‘twin’. Like I mentioned before, RED flag if someone shares too much, too soon.

She latched on to me one summer, took advantage of the fact that I had a job & car. She could get free food from me and free rides and if we went out she knew I would cover the bill.

Then some mutual friends found out she actually did have some cash in her wallet and she was manipulating all of us.

Now let’s rip off the bandaid

.. she slept with my abusive ex.

She was one of the witnesses to the incident. As a matter of fact, I had bruising from her trying to hold me back. She was nearly 5 foot 10 and twice my size and she couldn’t hold me back. And it happened while celebrating her 21st bday.

I digress. She was trying to get me to go back with him at the time. I was single, trying to deal w/ PTSD, & dating. (I KNOW. Bad choice all around but that’s a whole other post)

All the while, she was going behind my back and telling this fuckhead details about my personal life. While she was sleeping with him.

She tried to deny it after I confronted her about it and I said there was no need to lie.

I had my validation- yes I had proof.

She didn’t know what else to say so I left it at that. Told her I never wanted to speak to her again.

Thus began round one of setting boundaries and cutting off everyone associated with him.

Especially the ones who knew he was abusive to a woman.

She reached out to me years later.

SN: we were friends for around a year and a 1/2.

I hadn’t seen these images in a very long time so I read them out loud and recorded a short 5 min video reaction. A video journal entry 💕

Sign up for my email list- where I’ll be sharing the link to the private video. Get ya popcorn ready y’all.

Repeating toxicity

This past year cycles were returning and I began round 2 of relationship purging.

Wish I had done this years ago, to be completely honest.

After each weight was dropped it became obvious that I was elevating. It was liberating.

That same girl reached out to my mother in December. Tried the same emotional manipulation tactics… “I miss y’all… please tell her I’m sorry”.

After I already set my boundaries. Twice.

I don’t have to be your friend again. Plain and simple. It’s been ten years move tf on.

And this is probably why I just completely remove myself from these situations now.

No need to explain myself anymore. Air sign vibes.

There is also no need to try to latch on to my energy any further.. especially without my express permission.

Take this kind of spiritual boundary seriously.

Your express permission is required for anyone to have access to you.

I embodied my queen of swords energy. And it mended to be to be done cause eventually you learn,

“Not everyone will continue on with you on your journey. And that’s ok.”

(Wish I remember where I read that) If you happen to know, please share the link in the comments

Send them away with love and peace in your heart. Even if they did you dirty. Everyone gets their karma. You read what she said.

If you can relate to this personal story then I’m sure you’d agree. Protect your peace at all costs.